October 3, 1025
I so often do things I don’t understand, as if someone else is controlling me. Last night, for example. I’d stopped by the Hound’s Tooth tavern to have a drink and celebrate having reached level two. I ordered an ale and downed it, then ordered another and a chicken dinner, which I polished off in seconds. Still hungry, I ate some cheese and an apple I found on a barrel. I spotted a beautiful, young barmaid and hopped onto a table to look down her blouse. My, what an ample bosom! She didn’t seem to notice, so I followed her around until I remembered that I could get married. I asked her to be my wife, but she just smiled and told me a lady she knew was looking for someone to clear some rats out of her cellar. I made a note of the side quest in my journal.
A hooded fellow sitting in the corner caught my eye, so I hopped over to him and introduced myself. “I hear the thieve’s guild is recruiting,” said he, “but you didn’t hear it from me”. I pressed him for details, but he had nothing more to say on the subject and resumed smoking his pipe.
Pondering how I might apply for membership in the guild, I swung my ax wildly until I became exhausted and had to rest and recover my stamina. I noticed a box set on a ceiling joist. What treasures lay within? I found some crates and stacked them on a table, but try as I might, I couldn’t reach the beams. After a while, I gave up and smashed the crates, then threw a bottle of wine at the barman. “Get out of here, or I’ll call the guard,” he yelled. I ignored him and began to destroy everything I could find. Needless to say, guards soon arrived. I tried to fight them but was quickly overpowered.
I awoke sometime later in a dank, moldy, cell. I’d been meaning to explore the dungeons deep below Castle Chilgrave, and knew I’d be provided with some means of escape, so I celebrated this good fortune by smashing a stool against the wall. I noticed a loose stone high on the wall - much too high for me to reach. The stool I’d need to reach it lay in pieces on the floor, so I tried to kill myself by running into the wall and smashing my head against the bars, but my efforts had absolutely no effect on my health. Out of options, I checked my inventory then hopped in place for a while until a guard came to release me. As soon as he opened the gate, I punched him several times. Everything went black, and I found myself back in the dungeon. The stool had been replaced. Success!
I mounted the stool and pushed on the loose stone. It slid smoothly into the wall and stopped. Seconds later a door appeared in the wall and opened - how had I missed it? I stepped into the inexplicably torch-lit space beyond.